As June brings renewed attention to men’s mental health, advocates are calling for more awareness around a part of early parenthood that often goes unspoken: the mental health of new fathers.
When a baby arrives, dads are often expected to be the steady support system. But many fathers are also facing stress, anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, and major changes in identity — and they may not know how to talk about it.
Radio Catskill’s Patricio Robayo spoke with Chris Rhodes, a dad support group facilitator with Postpartum Support International and a survivor of postpartum depression, OCD, and anxiety. Rhodes said many fathers suffer quietly because they are taught to be “bulletproof.”
“I think there’s a stigma around fathers,” Rhodes said. “We’re supposed to be the statue… the ones that are like nothing. We’re bulletproof.”
Postpartum Support International says one in ten dads experiences postpartum depression, and that number can rise significantly when a partner is also struggling. Yet Rhodes said many men are never told that postpartum depression can affect fathers too.
Rhodes said his own experience began in 2020, when his daughter was born during the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic. He and his wife were isolated from their usual support system, their daughter had feeding difficulties, and both parents were exhausted.
“We weren’t sleeping. We were both kind of at our wits’ end,” Rhodes said.
It took six or seven months before they found help. His wife discovered Postpartum Support International and began attending online groups. That was when Rhodes first learned that dads could also experience postpartum depression.
“Our medical provider at the time said nothing to us about it,” Rhodes said. “The whole time during the pregnancy, the birth, we heard nothing about postpartum depression.”
Rhodes said symptoms can show up differently in fathers. Some dads may become more angry or withdrawn. Others may over-focus on certain behaviors, such as repeatedly checking a baby monitor or constantly updating a tracking app. Some may pull away from family or lose interest in things they used to enjoy.
He said one of the most important steps is for fathers to notice when they no longer feel like themselves.
“Nobody knows you better than yourself,” Rhodes said.
Rhodes also said fathers should not compare their struggles to what the birthing parent is experiencing. He said many dads feel guilty asking for help because they believe their partner is carrying the greater burden. But he said mental health is not a competition.
“You should never apologize for taking care of yourself,” Rhodes said. “Your mental health, your physical health is very important.”
For Rhodes, joining a support group helped him understand that he was not alone. He said the first realization many fathers have in those spaces is simple but powerful: other dads are going through the same thing.
“The first thing you realize is that you’re not alone and you’re not crazy,” Rhodes said.
Postpartum Support International offers free resources for parents and families, including support groups, peer-to-peer support, a helpline, and the Connect by PSI app. Rhodes said dads do not need a diagnosis to reach out.
“There’s nothing wrong with just going into a group and sitting and listening,” he said. “Sometimes dads just come in and say, ‘I don’t really feel like sharing. I just want to listen.’ And that’s totally fine.”
As Father’s Day and International Fathers’ Mental Health Day put a spotlight on the emotional realities of fatherhood, Rhodes said his message to dads is clear.
“You are worth getting help,” Rhodes said. “Your mental health is worth it.”
If you or someone you love is struggling after welcoming a child, help is available through Postpartum Support International at 1-800-944-4773. Support is available in English and Spanish. If you or someone you know is in immediate crisis, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.