During Mental Health Awareness Month, a movement born from one family’s loss is encouraging young people, athletes, parents and coaches to do something simple: reach out, check in and make contact.
After losing their 15-year-old son, Hayden, to suicide, the Thorsen family created Shoulder Check, an initiative built around a phrase familiar in hockey but reimagined as an act of care. Instead of a physical check on the ice, a “shoulder check” is a hand on someone’s shoulder, a quick message, a conversation, or a moment that lets another person know they are not alone.
Rob Thorsen, Hayden’s father and founder of the HT40 Foundation and Shoulder Check, said the idea reflects who Hayden was.
“He was the ultimate hand-on-shoulder guy,” Thorsen said. “You noticed him for his presence, but you remembered him because of his empathy.”
The Shoulder Check message is intentionally simple: Reach Out. Check In. Make Contact. The initiative encourages people not to wait until someone asks for help, but to create a culture where checking in becomes normal.
Thorsen said many mental health campaigns rightly tell people that they are not alone or that it is okay not to be okay. But he said those messages can still leave the burden on the person who is struggling to speak up first.
“Our thought was, let’s just get everybody involved in the conversation,” Thorsen said. “Let’s complete the sentence that says you are not alone by saying, because I’m right here beside you.”
Shoulder Check has found a strong home in the hockey community. What began as a local effort in Connecticut has grown into a national movement with professional players, college teams, youth programs and community groups helping spread the message. The initiative describes itself as an effort to make “kindness a contact sport,” inspiring young people to support one another through small actions that can have a big impact.
Thorsen said the hockey community responded quickly after Hayden’s death, in part because teammates and friends recognized the role Hayden played in bringing people together.
“People were saying things like, who’s going to do what he did for us now that he’s gone?” Thorsen said. “Once we realized what they meant by that, which was that he was the guy who brought them together, we sort of had this idea: a hand on a shoulder. We can all do that.”
Professional hockey players have helped bring visibility to the movement, including NHL players such as Trevor Zegras, Chris Kreider, Kevin Shattenkirk, Jonathan Quick and Adam Fox. The Shoulder Check website lists several professional players who have lent their voices to the campaign, including Kreider, Zegras, Quick, Fox, Matt Rempe, Brett Pesce and others.
Thorsen said seeing elite athletes take part is powerful because they model the kind of openness and vulnerability the initiative hopes to normalize.
“Some of the toughest guys in the world are stepping up and demonstrating the very vulnerability that we’re advocating for more of in the world,” Thorsen said.
The movement will continue this summer with the 4th Annual Shoulder Check Showcase on July 30 at Sacred Heart University’s Martire Family Arena. The event will include midway activities, food, raffles and an NHL All-Star caliber game, with the puck scheduled to drop at 6:30 p.m.
But Thorsen said the larger goal extends beyond one event or one sport. Shoulder Check is meant to give people a simple, repeatable way to create connection in their everyday lives.
He said that can mean checking on a teammate, sending a text, sitting with a friend, or simply letting someone know, “I’m here.”
Thorsen also emphasized that he is not a mental health practitioner, and Shoulder Check is not a replacement for professional care or crisis services. But he said the movement is meant to help people notice one another sooner and make it easier for someone to accept support.
“I think there’ll be times when we can see someone struggling, and there’ll probably be even more times where we can’t,” Thorsen said. “So that’s why I think if we affect this demeanor, where it’s a universal thing, where we’re just aware of one another and we make empathy something that we do daily, that’s it.”
For people who are worried about someone but unsure how to start, Thorsen said the words do not have to be perfect.
“Sometimes the wrong words are just as effective,” he said. “We’re all human and we’re all trying.”
More information about Shoulder Check is available at shouldercheck.org.
If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In New York, 988 connects people with trained crisis counselors 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can also call, text or chat 988 if you are worried about someone else